My Happy this past week.weird week..

Well what has made me Happy this past week? That is a hard question. I feel like I have ran a marathon of emotions this past week. I have had moments that made me feel like I could walk on the clouds and fly...then I have had moments that have rocked me to my core.
Its complicated to describe the moments I have had this week. Some of them so personal that I just don't and won't even dare talk about...and others that I can share. My week started out on a good note..nothing to complain about....Had some really good moments Monday and Tuesday. Then the bomb dropped Weds morning. My cousin called me and my aunt had died of an overdose. Yeah! Did not see that one coming in a million years. This is my biological dads sister. I was not really around my dad but I was around my aunts. They were my only link to this side of the family and my only link to help me figure out..me. The parts of me that I don't know or understand. See.. not having your biological dad around...You kinda feel adopted and you don't know that part of yourself..Kinda like something is missing. Anyway...this is the second sibling my dad had lost in 3 months. My uncle died the end of August. Well having to deal with my aunt dying also meant I would have to deal with my biological dad. I don't usually do that very well. Come to find out I am just as bullheaded as he is. So to make a long story short..then I will get to the happy stuff...My dad and I talked..kinda put some things to rest. All of the family said that it was great to see us talking. They were happy..he is happy..I'm ok with it. But I don't trust men and I still don't trust him..But I'm willing to give it a shot. I don't want a phone call from an aunt telling me that my dad is dead and we never go to make peace between us. I don't think I could handle that sort of torture or guilt. I feel guilt over enough stuff in my life right now. I certainly don't need more.

ok here goes happy.

#1 Spent time with an old friend...and got caught up on some stuff that we had been needing to share. That is always a good thing.

#2 Got to see some of my family that I have not seen in a long time.

#3 put some of my past behind me by talking with my biological dad..Actually learned a few things about myself.

#4 Had a great Thanksgiving with my family.

#5 Me and Stevie went for a ride on the 4 wheeler and go caught up on our lives...We have to get away from everyone to get enough sanity to talk or remember what IS going on in our lives.

#6 I finished a family portrait session and the client loved them! Yippie!

#7 This rocks out!!! Erica will be working on my weekends from now on. This will do me more good than anyone knows! I'm so excited. She says she had to have a dose of Sam every day or so to keep from getting on the CRAZY TRAIN...I feel the same way about her.

#8 Did not think that a 1am phone call that started out as a bitch session would actually solve some problems and make our lives better? I didn't thinks so. Who knew!

#9 Had lunch with my cousin..we had so much catching up to do..we ate lunch for 2 hrs. It was great!

#10 Me and Erica loaded up on coffee and adrenaline and went shopping on Black Friday. We were not out 10 min and I thought I was going to have to use my Christmas money....has bail money. That would have been funny to explain since her hubby is a cop. But he wouldn't be surprised to see us in lock up!!

#11 Janette and I actually got to see each other a couple of times this past week...Wow its a miracle!!

#12 I got to sleep Monday morning away. Loved it!!

#13 As usual I think of myself as being weak and tired as far as certain parts of my life is concerned. But I am learning how to control my weaknesses and not let them control me. I still don't know why I hang on to things that I know will get me no where.....but I still hang on. Stupid or is it just a part of me that will be there forever. But either way..atleast I am in control of how it affects me...right now anyway..But I have to stay positive!