Liquid Cocaine and Tattoo

I had made plans with my sister to go out Saturday night. She has been down in the dumps and I have not been in the best place myself lately so we needed a girls night out. First we went to Buffalo Wild Wings..Naturally we had wings and fries and my favorite......Liquid Cocaine x 2. That was all I could handle. I have not drank a Liquid Cocaine since my birthday back in February...I think I had about 7 and I fell up my steps in the house....thanks to my sister! Noni and her family showed up and we drank and sat around for about an hour. Noni left and Stevie and I could not decide what we wanted to do......Stevie said....lets go to the tattoo shop!!! O man! I wanted to go... So we get there and look around. They said I would not be able to get one because he is booked up and then they are going to be gone on vacation. Well I was relieved to be honest!! Stevie said lets go and look and see what you might want and we can find out how much it will cost for when you come back. Well I looked around at the different art work..I was just not sure...I had wanted to get a "J" on my back....but Stevie talked me out of it...
So there it was...a heart...not a girly...puffy...regular heart...A heart with an edge...attitude...different..kinda complicated.....pink...meaning I am still soft and tender and lovable. That is my heart. That is me! Every tattoo has a meaning and or represents a time in someones life...
I showed it to the lady at the counter and she said she would go and get a price for me. When she came back the tattoo artist said that he would fit me in tonight. HOLY CRAP!!!! Then I started to get nervous...where is a liquid cocaine when you need one or five!! I have not had a tattoo done since I was 19 years old! Well I showed my sister how to use my camera and by the time I was finished...they called me back. He looked at my back and asked where I wanted it and placed the outline...As pulled my pants down around my butt crack and sat down in the chair....my sister seen my face and just said "BREATH". That tool started buzzing and I was all tense and the minute he touched my back I jumped...That was the only time I did. I sat really still but I was sweating like a whore in church!!! I even kicked off my shoes. The whole time he was doing the tattoo he was playing a Journey DVD on a 56 inch TV in front of me. So I kept trying to focus on that...Then my favorite Journey song came on "Open Arms" so I was trying to sing that in my head and not think of the pain going into my back. The only time it really hurt is when the ink went farther up my back....that was not pleasant...and I can handle pain! It took about 15-20 minutes to finish. I am so happy with it! I can't believe I did that! We left the shop and I just had to show Noni. They were at the Boiler Room so off we went. I showed her the tat then my sister and I just sat around and laughed our self stupid at the people there. Man have times changed! Most of these people were my sister's age and she could not help for laughing at them! The upside was that a really great band was playing and we were jammin and dancing at the table.....no no pics of that! I had a really great night...then came home and had to show what I did to my husband.... Well I don't regret it and I would do it again and more than likely do it again! Noni said she is going to take some pictures of the tattoo in a more professional way......later! Now it just needs to heal and I can't get into the pool...or tanning bed.....but I will get into the tanning bed anyway! I have to be ready for the beach soon!!!





Liquid Cocaine is my friend.


My noni and her drink!


Me and Stevie and our Second Liquid Cocaine


I am so nervous!!!


Piercing my flesh!!!!


All Done..........I Love it!!!


I had no idea my sister took this picture!

Saturday / Sunday dreams

Yesterday I had a need to get away from the house..so I got our babysitter to come over and watch Samuel. We got on the motorcycle out and took off. Laz wanted to go to the airshow, but we got there at 4pm and most of the planes were gone....but I got to see what I wanted. Then we took off and decided to get something to eat. We stopped at the antique car show. I love American heavy metal. Cameros, Mustangs all that kind of stuff. There she sat.....67 Camero......that is the car I want...I have always wanted that car. It might take me a long time......but eventually I will have one. That car gets me all kinds of crazy. Then we took off and I treated us to Japanese Food...I love to watch them cook it....Yum Yum sauce...good stuff. I did not even eat maybe 10 bites...then I was full...What a shame. I took the leftovers to work and still did not eat much of it.....
Back to the bike ride....That was something I needed...I just sat back and enjoyed the wind and feeling of freedom...I just stuck my arms out and closed my eyes.

Today I slept from 7a-2pm...It started thundering outside and it woke me up. Also I was having some weird dream.....I have not had my weird unusual dreams for about 3 months. I'm not sure what it was but it woke me up in a foul mood.. Trent and Andrea and Joe and Brandy came over.. We cooked supper and then watched Rocky Balboa...not my thing...but it was ok...Sammy kinda is doing his own thing and wants to be left alone......Laz, Brandy and Joe are watching some scary...nasty..killing and blood movie..7:45pm and I am hiding out in my office..listening to music. Soon it will be time for a hot bath and me getting ready for work........Monday morning will be here in a flash and I will hit the ground running again. My last cabinet will be here and installed...I will have my niece Katie..she is staying the night....Chuck and Stevie have anniversary plans and of course my girlfriends will be here later in the evening. Tuesday will be equally nuts....the daytime plans are unsure..but later I will have some company..then photo class...then Noni and I will be off to walk our 2-3 mile walk at Legion....I look forward to that. Well I need to get off of here and a few more pics done for the other blog...everyone have a great day.








67 Camero........my dream ride.

Things can change

I was looking at YouTube this morning just because of there is not much else to do at 7 am and I am not sleeping. I am a big Dixie Chicks fan. Say what you will but they are brilliant. I love their song writing and how they play music. They had a song out that was not played much on the radio. Its called "Top of the World". Its very haunting to me when I hear it. I watched the video for the first time this morning and it gave me chills. It is about 3 generations of family and how even the way our grandparents raised our parents can effect us today.....but also how we can rise above how we were raised and stop a cycle that could very well consume us and our children. Its a very powerful video. So here ya go...I will post the lyrics to the bottom as usual.....have a great morning!

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I wished I was smarter
I wished I was stronger
I wished I loved jesus
The way my wife does
I wish it had been easier
Instead of any longer
I wished I could have stood where you would have been proud
But that wont happen now
That wont happen now

Theres a whole lot of singing thats never gonna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word somehow
Think I broke the wings off that little song bird
Shes never gonna fly to the top of the world right now
Top of the world

I dont have to answer any of these questions
Dont have no God to teach me no lessons
I come home in the eveing
Sit in my chair
One night they called me for supper
But I never got up
I stayed right there in my chair

Theres a whole lot of singing thats never gonna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word somehow
Think I broke the wings off that little song bird
Shes never gonna fly to the top of the world right now
Top of the world

I wished Id a known you
Wished Id a shown you
All of the things I was on the inside
Id pretend to be sleeping
When you come in in the morning
To whisper good-bye
Go to work in the rain
I dont know why
Dont know why

cause everones singing
We just wanna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word somehow
Wanna grab a hold of that little song bird
Take her for a ride to the top of the world right now

To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world
To the top of the world

Gunpowder and lead....

I have had this cd for awhile now and just did not listen to it much because I was too hung up on her other cd. Well I pulled it out and listened to it while I was cleaning my house. That is usually when I branch out and listen to a whole album. Well I was surprised and found alot of songs I really like.
One of the best ones is Gunpowder and lead. It has to do with abuse and the anger that comes with it. Now I can relate on several levels to this song. My mom was abused by my biological father when I was young..so I got to see that first hand and seeing something like that tends to make you hard and mad from a young age. Then I had my round with someone who thought being a (Real Man) included slapping me around. Well the hit happened once....then being shook like a rag doll..like the song says..came about a few times.... That left a mark that would never go away...Sorry was said.. but it always stayed in the back of my mind and in my heart. I can provoke someones temper..that is my personality..but hitting is not the answer to anything. Sad to say... but I can give as good as I get and I have been on the giving end before. Not my proudest moment. I DO NOT trust my TEMPER. Its kinda like blacking out and not knowing exactly what I have done....until its over. Then its like OH SHIT! That is why god blessed me and everyone around me with not having PMS anymore! So here is the song. This was the best video I could find. Its just her and a guitar..but this shows how good she really is. I will post the lyrics below..Thanks

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"Gunpowder & Lead"

County road 233, under my feet
Nothin' on this white rock but little ole me
I've got two miles till, he makes bail
And if I'm right we're headed straight for hell

[Chorus:]

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead

It's half past ten, another six pack in
And I can feel the rumble like a cold black wind
He pulls in the drive, the gravel flies
He dont know what's waiting here this time

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead

His fist is big but my gun's bigger
He'll find out when I pull the trigger

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead

I got caught.............Singing!

Tonight before I went to work I wanted to sit in the bathtub for awhile. We had been outside working in the yard and messing with the swimming pool. So I had dirt from head to toe. Like usual I have music from my blogs going while I am in the bathtub. I was shaving or something..I don't remember and of course..... singing. Well I was listening to Alanis Morissette *Uninvited*. That is one of my favorite songs that she does. You know how you get that feeling someone is watching you? Yep there he stood.....my husband.....snuck in the bathroom without me hearing him. I about jumped out of my skin. He just stood there with a grin on his face....he caught me. I asked him how long he had been there....."ohh for a little while" he says. I did not know if I wanted to just drown in tub water or throw soap at his head! I thought he was still in the living room visiting with our oldest son....uhh nope!

Now most people never get to hear me sing......I don't tell people that I can sing....or that once upon a time that is all I ever did. In school I gave up sports for choir and music. It was my life. Even those who are closest to me usually never get to hear me. For goodness sakes I would lock myself in the bathroom at Christmas if my family even mentioned me singing. The last time I sang in front of an audience....was during a friends wedding. That was it....and that was before I got married..so over 11 or 12 years ago!

It is one of the most personal and private things about me. If I am in my zone...and I think no one is listening then I do sing and don't pay much attention to other people that are around. People like my sister..I used to sing her to sleep every night when I lived at home. My husband...but not often at all...Noni has heard me a little....during scrapbooking...in my zone.

The only person that has heard it all is my son....I sang to him when I was pregnant....I sang to help him sleep or sooth him when he was sick or just upset......so he knows Mommy's voice better than anyone. I know my son loves me regardless of anything in this world so I sing to him. I have been known to change my mind......with the help of JIM BEAM!!! When I drink...I sing like a canary....but you don't want to hear it....I could scare every ally cat within a four block radius.

I sing when I am happy...I sing when I am sad or mad....but I really sing when I have a ton emotion locked up inside of me. I finally figured out what helps me RELEASE. I turn the radio up and I just sing and cry and sing and scream. Then...I feel like I have gotten rid of all that anger,sadness,hurt or frustration. Its amazing how something I did growing up still works for me at 34. I guess that was just another part of myself that I forgot and I am now finding again.

I would love more than anything to be able to sing in front of people again...without wanting to vomit....or needing liquid courage to get through it. I would love to sing by myself in church or in front of my family.

So now I will share with all my blog visitors out there the song that got all this started. The reason I love this song is not just about the words but the actual music. Of course I love the guitar....but the piano and the strings are beautiful. It is one of those songs that pull me from the inside out...Kinda hard to explain...that is all I know to say....

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"Uninvited"

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

My most fav song and movie.

Of course this is my favorite song and one of my favorite movies. I love the story...just hate the ending...When I first watched this movie I had trouble with her dying at the end and going back to him...because you think..."what about her husband and family". But then you stop to think....he must have been the love of her life....her soulmate...she never spoke of him and for good reason....too heartbreaking.....but in the end when he is there at the stairs...Ohh that is just too much.. made me ball like a baby.......it was like time never passed and he waited for her..finally her heart was were it had always wanted to be...with him.

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Swim Day..More like Burnt my Self to DEATH day

This past Friday Samuel and I went to see Erica and Luke. We planned on letting the boys swim until they passed out...but the water was still a cold 70 degrees and that was at 2pm. Finally I just let him in after 2 hrs our begging and pleading and driving me to drink. I figure when he turns into a blueberry I will just pull him out. Heck we are both nurses I think we will be ok. He got to swim for about 45 min and then that was it...he did start to look like a blueberry.
Erica and I sat out on the patio and just watched the kids play, snacked on chips and snuck a twinke when the boys were not looking. She is pregnant and can eat that crap....i just went along for the ride. I had been good all week...one twinke won't kill me. Then I worked on her computer downloading some stuff that she needed. I did not realize that I was getting burnt to a crisp. I went into the house to pee and I look in the mirror and about freaked. I looked like a french fry. Ohh I knew I was in for some pain. I got home and got a shower and then it really hit me. Laz had to put some aloe stuff with lidocain on my back and shoulders. It only felt good for about 2 seconds. Then I took some Tylenol and tried to sleep. Ohh when I got up for work and tried to get ready I could not even wear a bra. Not that anyone would see me at work.....they are old and its dark. I found a tank top with a built in bra thing and that would just have to do. When I got to work and got busy I became sorta grouchy because I was hurting so bad. Erica called that next morning at 5:30 am while she was getting ready for work and said "have you ever seen a pregnant tator tot?" She was sun burnt too. The boys also got alot of sun, but we put sunscreen on them.
I swear I have not had a sunburn like this since I was 15 or 16 years old working in tobacco. Well its been two days and I am brown as a biscuit with just a little red. My skin does still hurt but is much better now. We had a great time and if we are all healed I hope to actually swim next Friday. Well I have to get off of here and get some sleep. My counter tops and sink are going to be here between 7am-8am and I would like to get up and sit on the porch and have my coffee before they get here. Everyone have a great day.

Me and my mad little boy



Tator Tot and French Fry




Erica and Luke


Sammy was mad at me because he had to get out...he was turning blue.


The Good Stuff