Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I got caught.............Singing!

Tonight before I went to work I wanted to sit in the bathtub for awhile. We had been outside working in the yard and messing with the swimming pool. So I had dirt from head to toe. Like usual I have music from my blogs going while I am in the bathtub. I was shaving or something..I don't remember and of course..... singing. Well I was listening to Alanis Morissette *Uninvited*. That is one of my favorite songs that she does. You know how you get that feeling someone is watching you? Yep there he stood.....my husband.....snuck in the bathroom without me hearing him. I about jumped out of my skin. He just stood there with a grin on his face....he caught me. I asked him how long he had been there....."ohh for a little while" he says. I did not know if I wanted to just drown in tub water or throw soap at his head! I thought he was still in the living room visiting with our oldest son....uhh nope!

Now most people never get to hear me sing......I don't tell people that I can sing....or that once upon a time that is all I ever did. In school I gave up sports for choir and music. It was my life. Even those who are closest to me usually never get to hear me. For goodness sakes I would lock myself in the bathroom at Christmas if my family even mentioned me singing. The last time I sang in front of an audience....was during a friends wedding. That was it....and that was before I got married..so over 11 or 12 years ago!

It is one of the most personal and private things about me. If I am in my zone...and I think no one is listening then I do sing and don't pay much attention to other people that are around. People like my sister..I used to sing her to sleep every night when I lived at home. My husband...but not often at all...Noni has heard me a little....during scrapbooking...in my zone.

The only person that has heard it all is my son....I sang to him when I was pregnant....I sang to help him sleep or sooth him when he was sick or just upset......so he knows Mommy's voice better than anyone. I know my son loves me regardless of anything in this world so I sing to him. I have been known to change my mind......with the help of JIM BEAM!!! When I drink...I sing like a canary....but you don't want to hear it....I could scare every ally cat within a four block radius.

I sing when I am happy...I sing when I am sad or mad....but I really sing when I have a ton emotion locked up inside of me. I finally figured out what helps me RELEASE. I turn the radio up and I just sing and cry and sing and scream. Then...I feel like I have gotten rid of all that anger,sadness,hurt or frustration. Its amazing how something I did growing up still works for me at 34. I guess that was just another part of myself that I forgot and I am now finding again.

I would love more than anything to be able to sing in front of people again...without wanting to vomit....or needing liquid courage to get through it. I would love to sing by myself in church or in front of my family.

So now I will share with all my blog visitors out there the song that got all this started. The reason I love this song is not just about the words but the actual music. Of course I love the guitar....but the piano and the strings are beautiful. It is one of those songs that pull me from the inside out...Kinda hard to explain...that is all I know to say....

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"Uninvited"

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

1 comment:

Noni Bell said...

Sam, you have a beautiful voice, I will listen to you when you don't think I'm listening when we get together on Monday nights. Thank you for letting me in on that "forbidden" part of you....lol....I love ya girl!