Im in hell

Well I am in the 5th circle of hell!! I have no power..but I do have some heat. I have a woodburner insert in the fireplace. My family room downstairs and the living room upstairs and kitchen are staying warm. The rest of the house is shut off. My bedroom was 52 degrees and we are not staying in there!!! We are taking baths by warming up water on the woodburner. It does work out really well. Our food and milk is outside on the porch. I do ok when I have someone to talk to or music to listen to. If not I get really upset and I can't stand it. Right now Im with Noni and her children. That helps tons. We all are a big family and we all help and support each other. That is a great feeling.

If this last much longer Im going to visit family else where for the sake of my son. He is bored to tears! He is out of his routine and that is not good for a child with Autism. But Im so very proud of him. He is doing well. Mom is the basketcase!!! Dad feels frustrated and out of control. Its killing him to be at work and not with us. He worries too much. If I can get out then Im good. Well its time for me to get out and venture to the Wal-mart and get some things done. If anyone needs me...email and I will get back with you when I can...I love everyone...yes...everyone!!!!

Angels.....

Last night I laid down in bed...put my MP3 player in my ears and started listening to my music. Mind you...I last usually about 15 minutes and I'm out..so I don't hear very many songs. Well last night the next one up was this song. It's by Robbie Williams. To be honest...I liked the guy but didn't really know the softer music that he had..I just heard a few of his songs..thought he was cute and kinda nuts and that was about it. But a friend of mine told me about this song and a few others of his that I might like. And at the time..I did like them. But I had forgotten about this song..until it came on last night while I was trying to sleep. It's really beautiful and maybe one of my favorites now. I just wanted to share this great song!
Lyrics are posted below..

Enjoy!!!


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Angels lyrics
I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're grey and old
'cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

Happy time again..

Well its been a while since I have blogged about being happy. I have not been in the mood to blog all that much. Getting well has worn me out. But here it goes.

1. I'm glad to be alive.

2. I'm blessed to have the best friends in the whole world. Friends that will give you a bath, help you to the bathroom, defend you, clean your house and even support your husband at a really stressful time... Yeah! I have the bestest friends ever!!

3. My son made the A/B honor roll!!! I know its Kindergarten..but still!!!

4. I am actually more chipper these days...Pharmaceuticals are wonderful!!

5. I'm happy to know that some friendships never end..even when they have seen rough times.

6. I finally got to clean most of my house..well upstairs anyway!!! Running the sweeper is a no..no..and now I know why....that about killed me!! I'm a stubborn soul.

7. Im glad to just be happier and healthier and more adjusted these days!

Because you love me

My eyes are open again to those who love me and want the best for me. I again feel the warmth my heart has been needing for so long. I feel whole and complete. I believe in what is unseen again. God has given me another chance to love and to be loved in a real way. I'm so blessed....all over again.

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Because You Love Me"

I don't know how I survived
In this cold and empty world for all this time
I only know that I'm alive
Because you love me

When I recall what I've been through
There's some things
That I wish I didn't do
Now I do the things I do
Because you love me

And now that you're in my life
I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because you love me

And now that you're in my life
Oh, I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because you love me

I believe in things unseen
I believe in the message of a dream
And I believe in what you are
Because you love me

With all my heart and all my soul
I'm loving you and I never will let go
And every day I'll let it show
Because you love me
Because you love me
Because you love me

Insane about basketball..already!

New Years Eve night U of L and UNLV were playing and I had it on in the kitchen. Samuel was getting aggrivated because he did not have a good enough view of the tv. So he goes into the dinning room and pulls a chair up to the counter and gets all comfy in front of the tv. I showed him what team and what color the team was wearing so he would know who to root for. Of course Dad loves U of L soooo that is who we rooted for. He was so cute just sitting there watching the game..getting excited..yelling and screaming at the TV. As a basketball fan I was so very proud of my boy getting into the game. As a mom it just kills me how fast he is growing and soon I'm very sure he will be playing basketball and I will be the one doing the yelling and screaming.

Beautiful Sky.....

I took these shots on 12-11-08. The sky had a weird pink overcast to it...and when I went outside it was so much more colorful. These are just a few shots I got from the front of my home..down the street and from the back porch.

A quick..what's going on with me..

December 19,2008 I went in for gallbladder surgery and I almost did not make it out alive. The doctor went in a punctured my vena cava (which is the largest vein in the body) tore my peritoneum (covers the intestines)and bruised and kicked around my spleen. After he took out my gallbladder...which they do while you are sitting up on the surgery table..they laid me back and my abdomen began to fill with blood. I had internal bleeding and they could not see where it was coming from. So he opened me up and had to look for the bleed. It was in my vena cava and it was told to us that it had clotted off and the bleeding had stopped. I went in surgery with a hemoglobin of around 13...which in normal for a female..came out of surgery with a hemoglobin of 8. I did not know what had happen to me. I went in surgery around 11am and was supposed to be out of recovery and back to my room by 1pm. All I remember is having this terrible pain in my stomach..looking at the clock and it was 6pm or later and having a morphine pump for pain. Someone told me what had happened..but I wasn't getting it. I was so drugged. My friends told me that I was very swollen and looked awful. The whole weekend was a blur..I don't remember much at all...other than pain and thinking how am I going to swing being off of work for 6 weeks. Well Sunday I kept having the weird beating feeling in my head. It didn't hurt but it sounded like drums banging in my ears and I could feel it in my neck. My pulse was fast and I knew something was wrong. Then my skin started to turn yellow and very white and I had a ton of swelling in my back..legs...hips...butt..everywhere. I was swollen like a dead fish. Noni gave me a bath late that night..I finally laid down around 1am. I was pooped. Noni told the nurse that something was wrong with me before she left. I was sleeping good until 3am then the lab person came in and stuck me for the 20th time. I fell back to sleep..then at 3:25am my nurse and the lab person came back in and said that I had a hemoglobin of 6.1 and that means I don't have enough blood in my body to keep my organs or my heart going. That would explain why my heart was working so hard to pump. I called my husband, Erica and Noni. Everyone was there and I was scared to death. There are things I felt and things I said but I would rather not comment on that right now. I had a weird calm about me and I was not sure if I was going to live or die. It was not looking good at all. Everyone was upset..wanting answers and solutions. My husband was ready to beat the hell out of the doctor for taking everything so lightly. I was so weak I don't really remember alot of stuff. Next thing I know I am going to get a CT Scan to make sure I'm not bleeding internally and then I was to get 2 units of blood. I had no internal bleeding thank God! The day was scary and not something I would ever want to go through again. All I could think of was my son and how I needed to be strong for him..because he needs his mom and I need him. Alot of things became very clear to me after it was over with. Now I just have to sort all of it out. Not right now..I don't have the strength for it..but in time when I'm stronger I will.