Ok I was a complete crying fool on Tuesday. I was so emotional about so many things..but the main thing was my baby boy starting school the next day. To just be blunt..because I am...I felt like shit..I was mad...sad...felt robbed. My heart was breaking into a million pieces. Now when I get this way...its not good for anyone...I'm just horrible! I felt like if I did not get out of this house I was going to go bonkers. I had told Noni...before the break down..that I would call her..well I didn't call for an hour because I could not talk for crying so hard. When I could finally speak...I called her and all that would come out is AAHHHHHH!!!! She felt so bad for me! I told her we were going to the park and asked if she would come and get a few pics of me and Samuel. Being the good friend she is..of course! We get there and he just wants to play and so I let him run and have a ball. Noni got pics of us playing...I have not worked on them yet. Then we went into the grass and he was chasing squirrels and running around. She got some really great shots of us sitting by a tree. I will cherish these forever. It was the last day that I did not have to share him with the world and he was all mine............
This is the song I would sing to him when I was pregnant. I found out I was having a baby boy when I was 13 weeks along. After he was born..we would sit in the rocker and I would sing this song to help him fall asleep.
Godspeed...sweet dreams
"Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)"
Dragon tales and the "water is wide" Pirate's sail and lost boys fly Fish bite moonbeams every night And I love you
Godspeed, little man Sweet dreams, little man Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed Sweet dreams
The rocket racer's all tuckered out Superman's in pajamas on the couch Goodnight moon, will find the mouse And I love you
Godspeed, little man Sweet dreams, little man Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed Sweet dreams
God bless mommy and match box cars God bless dad and thanks for the stars God hears "Amen," wherever we are And I love you
Godspeed, little man Sweet dreams, little man Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed Godspeed Godspeed Sweet dreams
Yesterday was Samuel's first day of Kindergarten. I have been dreading this day for a long time. But I put on a brave face and smiled and acted excited and woke him up. He snuck into Mommy and Daddy's bed the night before..so I look over and he is all snuggled up in Daddy's back. I start to wake him up and he tells me "No Mommy! We need some rest." But I started to talk to him about riding the school bus and he shot up out of the bed. Getting him ready is always a challenge...he wants to do one thing and I have to have him do another...we bang heads like two bulls! But Mommy wins! Once we got dressed and the teeth brushed...he was good to go. I let him watch Blue's Clues for about 15 minutes before we went outside to wait for the bus. I snuck some shots in while he was watching TV. I was about to choke to death taking these pictures...but I still held it together. Then it was time to go outside. He went in and woke up Daddy..and said "Daddy I have to go to big boy school now." The bus picks him up at 6:30 am...that is torture for a little guy. We went outside to wait and I got more shots of him in the drive way. When Daddy came outside I gave him the camera and he got a few of me and Samuel. I have to hold him until the bus comes to a stop because the air brakes freak him out...and it took all I had not to start crying and not let him get on that bus. But I put him down and watched him get on the bus. Now I know how my mom felt. She said that when I got on the bus for the first time...It looked like it swallowed me whole because I was so little and it was so big...and she just cried and cried. Well I waited until the door was shut and the wheels were rolling before I lost it. I stood in the driveway watching the bus turn the corner..and I cried and cried. Sat on the porch and cried for about 10 more minutes. Then I went into the house..sat on the couch....and me and the cat cried for about 30 minutes. Laz did not dare say a word to me for awhile...because I may have killed him. I was not in the mood to talk. But after 30 minutes he came in the living room and said "You gonna make it Mom?" I said "this sucks!!!" and that was about it! I just did not have the words. We sat down with our coffee and looked at each other like NOW WHAT ?! It was weird not having a kid in the house in the morning time. We have had kids with us every since we started dating. We sat around and talked...actually got to finish a conversation together. Well he had to leave and go out of town and I got dressed and a little while later Noni and I met for lunch at Red Lobster. We had a few drinks and trust me.....the day just got more weird for me and I should have just stayed at Red Lobster and sat at the bar! I went home and looked around thinking I needed to accomplish something..but said to hell with it. Samuel got home around 2:30 and I was so happy to see him. He is not able to tell me too much about his day..but I kept asking and we went through his backpack to see what all was in his folder. I'm so glad that first day is over with. Today is much better..I have kept busy..so that helps. I kinda like this quiet and freedom to get things done.....but I do miss my baby/boy.
Gotta fit in Blue's Clues
Ok...It's time to go now......
Mommy's puffy sad eyes!!
Im ready for big boy school now! I'm barely holding together...can't we just forget about the bus...... Off he goes.....
My baby is going to be thrown into the world tomorrow. It hit me so hard that I just started crying like an idiot. I have been holding this back for a few weeks thinking I would do just fine...boy was I wrong. I have just been watching him all morning..thinking that this will never ever be the same. I know its part of him growing up and me having to let go....but I feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces today. I love him so much and I am so worried about how he will fit into this world. Samuel has a different beat to his drum and not everyone will be able to understand why he is the way he is...and this world is cruel and not very generous about giving people chances. I am scared for him. I don't want the world to change him....but he can change the world if he chooses too. He will be out of my reach but I hope that he knows that I love him and I will always be here when he comes home. I will always be there for him. He is the love of my life...my heart and my soul.
You Can't Lose Me.....
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"You Can't Lose Me"
A little girl, a little small for her age A little too slow for the field day race Momma's waiting at the finish line And wipes the teardrops from her eyes She says, "You did just fine honey, that's okay "Sometimes life's just that way "You're gonna lose the race from time to time "But you're always gonna find
"You can't lose me "Bet your life "I am here and I will always be "Just a wish away "Wherever you go "No matter how far "My love is where you are "You won't be lost if you believe "You can't lose me"
Momma use to say "Girl it won't be long '"Til it's time to go out on your own "Chase your dreams find your place in life "I know you'll do just fine" When that day finally came There were things she needed to but could not say So I whispered softly as I wiped The tears from Momma's eyes
"You can't lose me "Bet your life "I am here and I will always be "Just a wish away "Wherever I go "No matter how far "My love is where you are "You won't be lost if you believe "You can't lose me"
I'm starting to see a trend in my behavior and my actions when I am very tired. I start acting like an idiot. Well I call it weakness! When I am this tired...I have been up since 6:30 am yesterday..yes Friday morning. I begin to get very emotional and maybe a little angry....just angry at myself..I try not to let that out on the population..because I have a bad temper. My mind starts to run a million miles an hour...and I am too tired to keep up with it. I get mad at myself and start to cry...or I hear music,something or someone..and that can just set it off. I try to hide that part of myself when people call or stop by.....I laugh and say the things that I need to...but really...part of me just wants to scream at that person for no good reason at all(no matter who you are).....then cry...That is what I call Weakness...not being able to control my emotions. I don't like letting my 3rd personality out....she tends to get into trouble or she rats me out about the things I don't want to discuss......and that's never good.....So BEWARE those of you I love...just stand back and let it pass..because it will. And to those I don't love..Run...Run as fast as you can the opposite direction of me. You will be safer that away....
Is it possible to have a heavenly day? To be happy and still next to the one you love. There is not a good video for this song. I heard it on Smallville (of course). It was the episode "Promise". One of the best episodes ever. This video shows their love affair...through the good and bad....Its only fitting for me to use a Smallville clip...Enjoy...This song rocks...
"Heavenly Day"
Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away Got no trouble today with anyone The smile on your face I live only to see It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day
Tomorrow may rain with sorrow Here's a little time we can borrow Forget all our troubles in these moments so few All we've got right now, the only thing that All we really have to do Is have ourselves a heavenly day Lay here and watch the trees sway Oh, can't see no other way, no way, no way Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day
No one at my shoulder bringing me fears Got no clouds up above me bringing me tears Got nothing to tell you, I've got nothing much to say Only I'm glad to be here with you On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly, heavenly Heavenly day, all the trouble's gone away Oh, for a while anyway, for a while anyway Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day
The other night I was leaving the park from doing my routine walk. I always roll down the window and turn up my music.I like to pretend that its a mini vacation from the park to home..whether it be a cd or my favorite station 102.7. Well this song was on..and I just love it. I went home and got on the computer and found out it she calls herself "A Fine Frenzy". This song is called "Almost Lover". Fell in love with it. I love music with just a piano..its just soothing to me. I have been on YouTube and check out more of her work. I really like it. This video is really pretty and goes really smooth like the song. If I hear and get attached to another song....I will surely post it. I will put the lyrics at the bottom of the video. Thanks for visiting.....
You fingertips across my skin The palm trees swaying in the wind Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies The sweetest sadness in your eyes Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street You took my hand and danced with me Images
And when you left you kissed my lips You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no
I never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean I cannot drive the streets at night I cannot wake up in the morning Without you on my mind So you're gone and I'm haunted And I bet you are just fine Did I make it that easy for you To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
A very good friend of mine told me about Taylor Swifts version of Untouchable. I'm not a big Taylor fan...because in my opinion....I think she has a weak voice. Now I know she is young and that her voice may get stronger...and I hope so. But she is cute and everybody seems to like her...and her song writing isn't too bad either. So anyhoo...I actually like this version of the song. Now I am more of a rocker and I love the Luna Halo original version much better and for a different reason...but this isn't too bad. Her voice is actually mmmmm....OK. Ohh and I like to sing this slower version....The lyrics are beautiful and I'm sure at some point in all of our lives we have felt this way about a certain person. Ohh and I was going to post the Luna Halo version..but it would not let me have the code...Sorry Luna fans...Not trying to jip ya! Taylor Swift Version
Untouchable, like a distant diamond sky Keep reaching out and I still can't tell you why I'm caught up in you
Untouchable, burning hotter than the sun And when you're close I just want to come undone
And the in middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta, come on come on, say that we'll be together Come on come on, little taste of heaven Little taste of heaven
It's half full and I won't wait here all day I know you'll say that I'll be here anyway
And in the middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta, come on come on, I wanna be together Come on come on
And in the middle of the night we could form this dream I wanna feel you in the dark lying next to me You gotta, come on come on, say that we'll be together Come on, Come on, little taste of heaven
Hey!
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta, come on come on, don't make me wait forever Come on come on
And the middle of the night we could form this dream I wanna feel you in the dark lying next to me You gotta, come on come on, say that we'll be together Come on come on, little taste of heaven Little taste of heaven My little taste of heaven
